The Rats: A Witcher Tale (2025) – Heist Hijinks in Geralt's Shadow with Lundgren's Grit
Hello, movie lovers! In this blog post, I'm sneaking into shadowy spires and monster-guarded vaults with The Rats: A Witcher Tale (2025), directed by an ensemble of fresh voices in the Witcher universe. Starring Aggy K. Adams, Juliette Alexandra, Connor Crawford, Christelle Elwin as the haunted Mistle, and—drumroll—Dolph Lundgren as the grizzled Witcher Brehen, this 82-minute action-fantasy-drama-adventure follows a ragtag thief crew plotting the kingdom's boldest burglary. I dug the Lundgren glow-up and youthful banter, but familiar beats and Ciri teases left gaps, earning a solid 6/10—pleasant Witcher-lite for fans. Let's pick the locks on its loot and letdowns.
The Rats: A Witcher Tale (2025) - Thieves, and a Tipsy Witcher Sidekick
Dipping into The Rats: A Witcher Tale was a fan-service fix after heavier hauls—I craved some Continent chaos without the full saga sprawl, and this quick-hit heist yarn delivered breezy escapism in the Witcher world. The core crew's a motley delight: young outcasts from fractured fates, bonded by banter and bad luck, with Mistle (Christelle Elwin) as the standout—a fallen royal turned fence-fingered rogue whose scarred soul anchors the antics. Their score? Raiding the realm's ruthless crime syndicate, but oof—the vault's warded by a beastly brute, so they summon a Witcher: enter Dolph Lundgren's Brehen, a boozy blade-for-hire who starts sloppy but steels into legend, his grizzled gravitas a golden thread amid the greenhorn glee. Lundgren? Chef's kiss casting— the '80s action icon slinging signs and sarcasm adds instant icon status, mentoring the misfits with a wink and a whetstone. Ciri's cameo as Falka flickers like a faulty portal, teasing bigger lore without bloating the runtime. At 6/10, it's a fun frolic for Witcher die-hards—enjoyable ensemble vibes and monster-melee thrills, but the heist trope treadmill and story snags keep it from epic.
The Plot: From Alley Ambitions to Arcane Ambush
In the Witcher saga's gritty undergrid, a scrappy sextet of street rats—led by the vengeful Mistle, once a princess now a pickpocket—hatches their magnum opus: infiltrating the kingdom's iron-fisted syndicate for a hoard that could rewrite their wretched fates. Diverse demons drive them: orphaned grudges, betrayed trusts, royal regrets—all funneled into frantic schemes amid misty markets and mud-slick slums. But the prize? Monster-marshaled, so desperation dials up a Witcher hire: Brehen (Dolph Lundgren), a rum-raddled relic whose rusty runes hide honed havoc.
This tale, spun from Andrzej Sapkowski's short-story roots (with Ciri's Falka alias a fleeting firebrand), clocks in at a snappy 82 minutes of scheming sprints: from tavern tallies to trap-laden tombs, blending buddy-heist hijinks with beastly brawls and budding bonds. Themes of found family forging from fractures, redemption's rough road, and thievery's thin line with heroism hum through the haze—no deep dives into elder bloodlines, just a standalone sideswipe on survival's sly edge. The fantasy flair pops with potions and perils, but the blueprint's borrowed: think Ocean's Eleven on elixirs, Witcher-ified for fans craving Ciri crumbs without commitment. It's a light lift—engaging enough to enjoy, unfinished enough to itch.
Performances That Pilfer the Spotlight
Dolph Lundgren dominates as Brehen, morphing from mead-mired mess to monster-mashing mentor with effortless edge—his gravelly gravitas grounds the green cast, a wise-cracking wildcard who elevates every clash. Christelle Elwin shines as Mistle, her royal remnants raw and riveting, layering loss with larcenous levity that makes her the heart-heist heartthrob. Aggy K. Adams, Juliette Alexandra, and Connor Crawford round the rogues with relatable roughnecks—youthful fire that fizzles familiarity but flares in frays. In a low-stakes spin-off, Lundgren's the loot: his Witcher warmth wins, turning tropes into treasures.
A Familiar Foray into Witcher Wallet-Watchers
This Rats reboot raids the rich Witcher vein (The Last Wish nods galore) but borrows blueprints from heist hall-of-famers—Leverage meets The Witcher without the White Wolf's weight, a side-quest sans saga sprawl. Director(s) infuse indie intimacy: practical beast brawls over CGI spectacle, a lived-in lore that teases without taxing. Unique in its youth-quake crew—Ciri's blink-and-miss Falka a breadcrumb for book buffs— it probes pain's persistence in a world of witchers and woes, scored to a strummy saga strum. Compared to Netflix's Geralt grind, this is bite-sized banditry: less lore-locked, more loot-lusty, a pleasant palate-cleanser for the universe's underthieves.
Ratings and Critical Reception
IMDb: 4.5/10 (from 361 users)—early adopter edge, skewed by sparse samples. No Rotten Tomatoes scores yet; critics and crowds on hiatus for this hidden gem.
The thin tallies tilt tepid, griping at genre ghosts ("recycled robbery romp"), but superfans might spike it skyward. My 6/10 fits the fledgling fray—fun factors fudged by flaws.
A Minor Critique: Heist Holes and Hasty Teases
The script's a safe-cracker gone soft: boilerplate bandit blueprint (name your Italian Job clone) drags the dazzle, and Ciri's cameo cliffhanger carves a crater—teasing her turmoil then vanishing leaves the lore lopsided, an unfinished filch that frustrates more than fuels.
A Pleasant Pilfer for Witcher Wanderers
At 6/10, The Rats: A Witcher Tale is a light-fingered lark—enjoyable ensemble escapade with Lundgren's luster lighting the lift. Brehen's brew of booze and bravery warmed my Witcher-weary heart; it's holey but hearty, a heist worth half-watching twice.
What did you think of The Rats: A Witcher Tale? Did Lundgren's Witcher wow, or did the heist holes hobble? Drop your denials in the comments, and here's the big one: suggest a movie for my next review! I'm scouting more spin-off steals. If you enjoyed this post, please like, follow, and share so you don’t miss the next nab. Thanks for joining me—see you in the next one!
